Communication Matters – for Health & Weight Loss
What You’ll Learn:
- about a new book, Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg
- weight gain is often caused by conflicts in relationships with people in our lives, and difficulty expressing our needs
- how improving communication is key to enhancing relationships, reducing stress, and keeping weight off
I agree with you, Jon, about communication. I just put the book on hold at the library and really look forward to reading it. I’ve known about it and the concept of non-violent communication, but never really studied it. I know that when I’m paying more attention to myself I can communicate more clearly because I know what I need or don’t need, how much I have to give in any given moment, etc. And I want to thank you because your program is helping me pay more attention to myself in all ways and it’s very empowering. When I’m empowered by taking care of myself, I feel more confident, safe, joyous and on and on, and what I communicate reflects who I am, so your program can be supportive of much more effective and peaceful communication, therefore less stress for each ofus as individuals and for the world. Thanks.
Kathleen
Hi Kathleen,
So happy you’re getting so much out of the program. Yes learning to be aware of yourself and your needs and communicating your needs in an effective way is very much an art form. Hope you enjoy the book.
I understand the Gabriel Method is not a diet and I am not completely eliminating any food from my eating regimin but I am enjoying “adding” the essentials nutrients to my eating & finding that I am satisfied with juicing, eating clean. I have been eating some pretty yummy salads adding all kinds to my bed of romaine and kale and I have been using Braggs Applecider Vinegar for dressing, which is also awesome but Why do I get these extreme cravings for chocolate after I comsume the Apple Cider Vinegar, it’s the only time I get one of those intense I wanna dive into a big slice of rich dark chocolate cake right now and it happens eveyday lolololololol… should I fulfill that craving with a (healthier) piece of chocolate or let it pass. thx have a blessed one
Tanya, I have the same problem when I use Braggs. If I use a lot I also get very shaky. I am hypoglycemic and I am sure it is giving me a low blood sugar hence the reason for my cravings. I still use it but in small servings like a Tbls or less. On my salads I have been using rice vinegar or mixing the 2. It is just as delicious and I don’t have that reaction. I also add a bit of oil, usually walnut or coconut and I add some organic sunflower seeds on top. That has solved the problem for me.
Hi Tanya,
Perhaps do as Anne suggests and reduce the quantity of Apple Cider Vinegar. But I wouldn’t worry too much about it, if you are craving chocolate – allow yourself. Perhaps try making raw chocolate or even one of the health balls in Jon’s recipe book to have on hand when the sweet cravings kick in. I always crave something sweet after my lunch and my go to is slices of banana with Almond or Cashew butter. I have recently discovered a peanut butter that has cacao added and that is also delicious on my banana slices.
Den – GM Team
I have a question about caffeine. I’ve been making a protein smoothie in the mornings and adding my morning coffee to it. It usually has raw nuts and seeds, a banana, coconut milk, maca pwder, and egg whites. Does the caffeine adversely affect the digestion of all the other ingredients?
Hi Laura,
If you are enjoying having your smoothie with the coffee in it then continue to do this. Perhaps try slowly reducing the amount of coffee to the smoothie?
Den – GM Team
I’ve only been trying seriously for a couple of weeks but the scales say I’m 5 kg fatter for one kilo of extra weight. Why?
I’ve been doing this program for several months now- and I’ve been very faithful in all aspects of it. I do the visualizations every single day, I juice now, salads, live food, chia seeds on everything – the whole 9 yards. Plus, I’ve started interval training for a 5 k.
I haven’t lost a single pound. How can this be?
I can say that my body can’t handle any processed foods anymore. Even the smallest amounts create gastro-intestinal issues. I feel stronger and healthier. But I want to lose this weight! When can I expect to see some results?
I feel the same way. I’ve had some insights about my weight, such as I caught myself thinking that my fat made a little table that was useful and it made me think about the message that I was sending my sub conscience (sp?). I now pay attention to my inner dialog closer and I sit with better posture and I don’t have that little ‘table’ anymore. I sleep better and seem more optimistic but I have gained 3 pounds. I have so many different food sensitivities I might as well stick to it. I can’t have gluten or dairy anymore so the diet is good for me.
Sometimes it can take a while to turn off the fat programs. I would invite you all to call in a speak with me during my ask Jon shows and let me help you figure it out.
Jon
I have had the same results. I was on the program for four months and didn’t lose weight. However, I stuck with it. As I thought about it, I knew I was getting healthier as I was sleeping better, feeling less stressed, and had more energy. I wonder that for some of us, our bodies will use this good nutrition to heal ourselves first for hidden or undiscovered health challenges before it will let go of the weight. I have CLL (chronic lymphatic leukemia) and I have noticed that my swollen lymph nodes are going down. Haven’t had a blood test yet, but I think my leukemia is clearing up. I due to be tested again in two months, so I’ll let you know.
Will do.
Good for you, Linda. Your words are motivational for me and I really look forward to hearing the results of your bloodwork!
Best,
Kathleen
Medicalizing anything leads to expectations of medication to cure it. Eating is a natural process that has been subverted by advertising and the fast food industry that have found a ready market in time poor families since people have to work longer hours, including the mother in a family, to pay for the consumer goods we’ve been convinced we need. Simpler lifestyle, simpler needs and simpler food will go a long way towards curing the problem. The government’s adoption of supposedly better science based eating guidelines have actually made us fat too. It’s all very complex as we can’t just go back to the old ways. So many people earn a living from this whole unhealthy process.
What are your thoughts about AMA had declared obesity as a disease
Hi Joyce,
In a sense it’s true. That is, that obesity is caused by a cascade hormonal problems that are the result of various types of stressors. So it’s sort of a syndrome. The question is, what do you do about it? A pill doesn’t address the issues and neither does surgery. You’ve got to address the specific stresses that are causing the problem. At least calling it a disease is a notch up from saying it’s simply caused by eating too much and being weak and lazy.
Hi Jon,
I was so excited to come across your book last year. Your teaching resonated with me in my soul. I worked your system and lost about 30 pounds, but I’m sad to say I’ve gained it all back. I desperately want to lose weight, and so I find myself back here looking for the “key” that I may have missed the first time round. I’m 40 years old. I need to lose 150 pounds.
I have 2 little girls, 8 and 12. My 12 year old is nearly as obese as I am and I’m very concerned. I know she eats and approaches life like I do and so I MUST find a way to change so that I can be a good role model for my children. I also want to be here for my children. My dad died when I was 13, my mother died when I was 26, and my only sibling died in 2008. So I know what it’s like to be orphaned in the world and I don’t want to do that to my children!
I think 2 things are standing in my way right now. First, I think I’m in “analysis paralysis.” I recently have been studying about acid/alkaline balance from Dr. Robert Young. He teaches that if our bodies are acid, then we are basically a garbage ground for parasites and yeast to grow in. He promotes an alkalizing diet that is vegan with no dairy, sugar or refined carbohydrates whatsoever. I’m overwhelmed by such dramatic life changes, especially while trying to feed a picky family. Are you familiar with his teachings? What do you think about such suggestions?
The second thing I think standing in my way is a very stressed, almost empty marriage. My husband is just not attracted to me at this weight. I am starving for affection, for connection, for touch, for love. I feel like I’m caught in a catch 22 – my marriage is suffering from my weight, but I’m so depressed by the state of my marriage that I eat my emotions and have trouble losing any weight.
I think I could benefit from working with your coaches, but my husband doesn’t see the value in it and won’t let me spend the money on it.
I will definitely get this book and check it out. Any other (affordable) suggestions? Any insights you might have would be greatly appreciated.
Hey Sunshine,
Let’s have a quick chat on my ask Jon call in shows and see how we can help you.
Jon
Hi Jon,
It’s my first time in the support group and there’s a wealth of great advice above, thanks all.
I know your method is the one for me even though I came to a grinding halt only a month into it. The reason was largely due to a discussion on The Health Report on ABC national radio (Australia) about Omega 3. It was mainly about the effect on cognition but touched on previous control group studies too.
Below is an excerpt from:
http://www.abc.net.au/radionational/programs/healthreport/omega-3-fatty-acid-supplements-and-cognitive-decline/4685662#transcript
“…Norman Swan: So omega-3 fatty acids have bombed on heart disease. If they work at all it’s just by replacing saturated fats, it’s not a benefit like that. They don’t seem to reduce sudden death. There doesn’t seem to be an effect on cognitive impairment. What is left for this beleaguered industry producing these omega-3 fatty acids?
Alan Dangour: That’s a very good question. All of these things do seem to go in phases. You know, there’s a lot of excitement about a particular nutrient for a time, and then lots of research goes into that area, and then unfortunately with a lot of these things the evidence is somewhat disappointing. I mean, if you look at antioxidants, vitamin C or other antioxidants, actually the evidence there is also very disappointing. There’s a lot of work going on on arthritis and joint pains which may show some benefits…”
I’d been taking 10mg Omega 3 every day for a month and on hearing this on my drive home from work, I just fell flat. Not just that but a program on TV said much the same about Chia seeds. Really, it shouldn’t bother me because whatever they say, the fact is your program works but I seem to have fallen off the cart before barely getting on…am I just looking for excuses?
Can you suggest reading material to help work through emotional obesity issues? I just don’t have the time or finance to go through counseling so I would like to at least try it on my own…and with the help of this support network you have created.
Much appreciated,
Sonja
Hi Sonja,
Omega 3’s are great for losing weight. It’s so well documented. Do not despair. As far as emotional issues are concerned, start by listening to the Safe and Protected visualization in the member’s area. Let’s talk soon,
Jon
jumping in with both feet, body, mind & soul ~ my local bookstore is holding a copy til tomorrow 🙂
Enjoy!
Hi Jon, I had a giggle to myself when I listened to the topic today. I too have had Marshall Rosenberg’s work recommended to me and I have been looking into it for my work as a counsellor.
Of course, if it applies to clients then it probably applies to the practitioner too. Over the years I have struggled with feelings of being seen as unauthentic by my clients. I have been trying for years to lose weight and maintain it. It is the one thing in my life I feel that I have failed at (still working on acceptance).
I have been procrastinating buying this book. Maybe I need some non violent communication towards myself. Thanks for the reminder – the universe speaking to me through you on this one 🙂
Yes NVC applies to are self for sure!
Enjoy!
I have been working the program for three weeks now. Let me begin by saying that, except for some easy yoga and rehab exersizes, I am unable to do much physical movement. I am working with doctors to find an answer to my foot issues so I can go back to the more active life style I used to live.
I eat protein, living food, and flax seed or flax oil at every meal. I listen to all the visualizations. I feel more relaxed and happy.
I know that the reason that my body is holding on to fat is because I was molested and raped as a child and I feel uncomfortable being noticed. Also, as a young adult I experienced hard core hunger, physical abuse and I got the feeling that I should eat when food is available. I’ve worked through my issues and I know that there is nothing to fear anymore and that food is abundant.
A few years ago I realized that I was dairy intolerant and gave it up, and lost no weight even though it was a large part of my diet. Then I realized that gluten was an issue and gave that up. No weight loss.
So I’m doing the work and eating properly. I take the vitamin and mineral suppliments, the flax, omega-3, listening to the visualizations and I have gained 5 pounds. I need to lose 60 pounds and at this rate I’ll gain another 60 before the year is out. Any suggestions?
Hi Jenifer,
I would strongly suggest you work with our cellular release therapists (also called emotional release therapists). You can find them on the site under coaching. Also please listen to the safe and protected visualization daily.
Jon
Thank you to all the specialists who commented here. A light has just come on in my head. This communication problem is the issue with my weight problems.youve just hit the nail on the head. Buying that book right now. Thank you sooooo much x
Hello Jon !
My name is Sara. I’m from Argentina, but I live in Madiosn Wisconsin. I’m 29 years (almost 30). I have two kids. I need to lose 9 kilos.
Its been almost a month since I started with your method. I’m really happy and felling so much better.
I do the visualizations every night, listen to the meditation. Drinking water, taking the omega 3, the vitamins, probiotics and digestive enzymes.
I’m eating so much healthier !!! In general in the morning yougurt with chia seeds, flax seeds, some coconut, raisins and honey. And a fruit.
Lunch time a salad with seeds, raisins, a lot of green, pecan… and or some chicken, fish…
at dinner in general also a nice and tasty salad.
So I.m feeling great ! Every time I eat.
BUt…. every time I look myself in the mirror I feel so discouraged… I mean, when will I start to lose weight? Because the reason I started with the method is because I want to lose weight and change my eating habits, but I don’t feel I losing any weight.
Am I doing something wrong?
Thanks so much !!!!!!!
Hope to read your answer !
Sara
Jon any suggestion or comment?
I have this exact question, too. I just posted it.I’ve been doing this for several months now and feel pretty good, but no weight loss whatsoever. I see Jon has replied to lots of questions, so I hope he answers yours and mine as well.
It does take time is some instances to lose the weight. If you’re feeling better and you’re less hungry and have more energy, weight loss will come. Remember this is not a diet. We all know how to force ourselves to lose weight. We’ve all done that, but we also know it’s not sustainable. Sometimes doing it the right way takes time, but it’s so well worth it!
Hi Jon,I saw your book years ago but didnt read it, but I knew you were on the magic path with the mind body connection. Its only recently i heard your voice and I must admit I was drawn to your very calm and obviously very developed sense of peace..Your voice said it all to me -you had the type of voice that echoed security and people would probably want to tell their life stories to !
Anyway…I have always been into fitness and health and have never really been overweight. but I just cannot seem to budge 5 kg to fit into my skinny jeans ! I mean people would probably say i dont need to lose weight but its so frustrating I just want my prekids skinny jeans and model body back ha ha !!! I did your tests and came up with chronic dieter and stress.
I have always been into spiritual life and am surrounded by angels. I downloaded your visualisations which i love. Just wondering if you could, using your psychic powers (!) give me any advice on how my body could melt the last kilos?!!!! Thankyou so much Jon. Kari
Hi Kari,
Ok if you want a left field ” first thing that popped into my head” answer, there’s something about the way you’re approaching relationships that’s causing you a bit of stress. But take that with a grain of salt. I certainly don’t advertise myself as a clairvoyant 😉
Very much in line though with the discussions on this blog 🙂
Having been raised in Europe, I have no trouble with communicating or expressing myself. In Europe we tend to be much more direct in our communication. Here in the US though, often people hold back their opinion, because they have this fear of coming across as rude, impolite, or offensive, which to me is the extreme end of the spectrum. In fact I find that to be a form of dishonesty when you are holding back your opinion. I am not talking about blurting it out with a raised voice, but simply expressing your thought and opinion. If you do not, you are withholding an opportunity for someone else to see things differently. It can actually help someone by expressing a different opinion. In my experience you can say anything to anybody, as long as you do it in a sincere, nice way. In fact when opinions clash (not people), a spark of truth is allowed to be revealed. We learn from other people’s, other culture’s expressions. It adds to the diversity of the human experience.
Rachael, thanks so much for your insightful response as it is at least helpful if not actually affirming to be recognized, even if the patterns one is recognized in are the very ones that perpetuate the agony of perceived helplessness ~ letting the tears flow just now in reading your post w/o the fear of further distancing “him” (as he isn’t home). Obviously need to put the EFT to work for myself more often. Anger is all too often simmering just below the surface for me, resentment a too constant companion ~ thankfulness needing more ready expression ~ we’ve been together 42 years, but the same week as our anniversary this year I spoke to him of perhaps using “irreconcilable differences” as a way to spare each other further pain:-(
Hi speakeasy,
Thank you for sharing this.
Den – GM Team
So glad you are addressing this! As a couples therapist, I see how the wires get crossed all the time for some couples and I know it happens in my own relationship as well. Basically when people’s needs for connection, belonging, and feeling lovable are not getting met, they go into a primal panic and go into fight, flight or freeze and either tend to get very critical, demanding, or angry with their partner to try to get their needs met (usually these people have fears about abandonment, being unlovable) OR people withdraw and go into their own worlds, work more, eat, or turn to addictions for comfort (these people generally have a hard time expressing any needs and/or feelings and want their partners to “get off their backs”-They are affraid that they are never getting it right and feel like they are walking on eggshells”). Usually people who criticize when they are afraid or sad end up with people who withdraw when they are afraid and sad so this becomes a vicious cycle in which no one gets their needs met and there can be an almost constant state of stress or fear in the relationship. I agree with the first post about slowing things down-getting in touch with what you really need and asking for that in, both in a calm way and also a vulnerable way if it feels safe enough. People are much more likely to come towards you and understand your message if you show your true feelings and vulnerable side, even though that can be very scary. Couples therapy (specifically Emotionally Focused Therapy) can really help slow things down and create different communication patterns in which people learn how to be real with each other and not get stuck in their cycles. I also have been tapping when I am feeling stressed in my relationship and that helps me calm down and center myself so that I can go to my partner in a way that he will hear me and is more likely to respond from a good place. I recommend the book Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson-this book can help you recognize your negative patterns, discusses the fight, flight and freeze response (which I feel really matches up with the GM philosophy) and how you can create a safer, more loving and connected relationship. Thanks Jon!
Probably won’t get the book right away, as I have too many sitting on the shelf as well as too many in process right now to be able to say I’ll pick up another one; however, having said that I know this is THE MOST HURTING area in my own life right now ~ that is, communication breakdown with, especially, the one closest to me in my life ~ the frustration, yearning, loneliness & longing, just even typing those words, can bring me to tears ~ so I’m saying no more right now . . . going outside to dig in the garden, weed, and hopefully plant something as therapy.
Wow…as I think about the three MOST problematic/stressful relationships in my life currently, these relationships ALL have huge communication breakdown. We are no longer even communicating. That’s HUGE…for me, it feels like a total failure! (Those relationships created so much stress, even when we WERE trying to communicate, that they adversely affect my physical health!! Probably contributed to my adrenal fatigue, even!)
I’m always interested in improving my communication (which is both expressive AND receptive!), and so am interested in lessons from this book!
You’ll love the book. It a life changer.
It’s very important to understand how the receiver wishes to communicate. We spend a good deal of time on our words but what does the person with whom we are trying to communicate actually hear? For that I look to behavioral preferences – is the person dominant? Does he or she like to be in charge, get right to the point, no need for extraneous information? That person wants you to clearly and concisely tell them what they need to know – not how or why you are going to do something, they might not even care about why you are going to do it. They are interested in WHAT you are going to do.
If the person is very friendly, warm, like to talk a lot and embraces adventure (read that as change) it is likely he or she would like to take a little time to “get to know you.” Likely you could give them a lot of information and they would be happy to hear “all about it.” They will quickly understand what you are trying to convey but are in no hurry to end the conversation. You can fill them in with background and expected outcomes, even give a variety of examples.
If the person likes to be in the background, is slower to make decisions and possibly is a little uncertain – they need time to take in what you are saying. The message may need to be delivered with care and plenty of warning if what you are requesting requires change. Usually this person is very supportive and prefers that things remain constant with as little change as possible.
Finally, you might be speaking with someone who is clear, concise and conscientious. They like to clarify and will stop listening if they detect you don’t really have the correct facts. They can be critical of what they hear, not because they want to be right but they want “it” to be correct. It is very important to have your facts in order and supportable when you speak with them. They are also less likely to embrace change so it may take time to help them understand why a change might be the best approach to take to resolve a situation.
I know this was a long answer but I have taught people about communication for over 20 years. This approach supports not only the speaker but the listener as well. I call the class – People Will Be People.
Well, as a Licensed Psychotherapist in private practice in southern California, I’d say that communication issues rank at nearly the top! Style over content counts A LOT, as HOW we say something is sometimes even more important than WHAT we say!!
From what I know to be be true, it has a lot to do with being able to slow everything down, so we can really be acutely aware of what it is that we’re actually feeling: what hurts, what we need, etc… That way, with greater clarity, we can conversationally speak our truth, without raised voices or angry emotions creating a false wall or barrier.
When we communicate in that healthy way, the receiver can actually really hear us so much better, take in what is being said, and respond appropriately, instead of getting reactive and combative with us… Usually that reactivity and combative volatility is about fighting against how they were spoken to, not what was being said, so communication gets off track right out the gate!
So going slow, being clear, using conversational tones so we can be heard, all of it creates a win-win… But only if things get slowed down.. We tend to go too fast, and words get hurled and spewed based on feelings not facts, and so angry communication too often becomes the norm… The other way is more thought through, calm, quiet, authentic… And is easier to hear and receive and respond to, even if what we’re hearing is painful…
Style points do count, and can further the cause of peaceful productive communication…
I haven’t read or heard of this book before, but it sounds like it will support what I do with clients and for myself already, so that’s great! 🙂
Thanks for sharing about this, Jon!
This is exactly what I’m realizing Maureen, that learning how to communicate properly is an art and is one of the most valuable skills you can have.
Thanks John, this is so important, I remember a friend saying I can’t see inside you head you need to tell me what you are thinking and feeling.
well said!